[0:00] Have you ever noticed that you actually know what feels right for you, but you still hesitate?
[0:08] Or you've had that moment where you second guess yourself or talk yourself out of it. Or perhaps you even look to everyone else in the room before trusting your own yes or no. If any of that sounds familiar, this episode might be worth a listen. This is part two of a short mini-series looking at energetic leaks. And today, we're talking about what happens when boundaries blur and you stop backing or believing in yourself.
[0:47] Hello and welcome back to everyone who's joining us here. And of course, if this is your first time, I just want to say a huge thank you for tuning in. And it's absolutely a pleasure to have you here with us today. So just like the last episode, I would like to offer a gentle reminder that as we go through this episode, this is not about fixing, solving or managing anything. think. It's more about slowing things down enough so you can start to hear yourself again.
[1:28] So let's start there and start by tuning into that. So in the last episode, we talked about what happens when giving becomes automatic. And when you start giving before you've even checked in with yourself.
[1:49] So today, we're staying in that same conversation, but we're shifting the focus ever so slightly. So this episode is about boundaries. But before you run off and go, oh my God, no, don't stress, because it's most likely not going to be in the way they're usually talked about. So bear with me for a while and stick with me here so as we go through this and we're talking about boundaries this isn't about them needing to be firmer and it's not about you needing to say no more and it's definitely not about becoming harder or harsher with yourself or those around you.
[2:45] This is about what happens when you stop backing yourself, when you stop trusting yourself. See, when that happens, that's when the boundaries start to blur. And when boundaries blur, However, it doesn't usually mean that you don't have boundaries at all, and in fact, most people do, it's more about that those boundaries that you have seem to like disappear or dissolve inside you when you really need them. So, it often looks like knowing what you want, but then hesitating. It's saying yes, but then feeling that contraction in your body or your chest or your throat after you've said it. You might be finding yourself over explaining decisions you already know that are right.
[4:00] And maybe it could be you changing your mind just to keep the peace. That's the moment in any of those. It's the moment that has a really specific feeling to it. It's like, you know, you're about to answer and before the words come out, you feel yourself like scan the room very quickly. And, you know, you look at around or the person that you're wanting to talk to. You notice their face. You're paying attention to their tone, their mood.
[4:43] And without even realizing what you're doing, you've noticed that your answer changes ever so slightly. You start to soften it a little. You add in a few extra words. You make it easier for them to hear. And when that happens, that's the interesting part. Because even though you've just done all of that, you can still feel your original answer in the background. Like floating in the back of your mind or you might be still feeling it somewhere in your body but the thing is you can sense it it hasn't gone anywhere it's just quieter it's like you've pushed it back into the background and when that happens you've started managing the moment instead of listening to yourself if you've ever walked away from a conversation thinking why didn't i just say what i meant that's this very situation i'm telling you about and i want you to make you aware of.
[6:01] So now that you know where we're going here with the boundary in the boundary blurs hopefully it hasn't scared you off, but have you ever felt or noticed this blur before? If you have, remember this. Everything that happens in those moments, it's all just valuable information for you and it's not telling you that you have failed or you were wrong in those situations. In fact, what it is it's the awareness that your body usually knows the answers and what's happening before your mind can actually catch up. See, I see this pattern all the time, and it has very big across all the years of being working with people.
[6:57] Someone comes to me feeling confused, overwhelmed, unsure. They come to me and they say things like, I just don't know what to do. And it's like, oh, I'm unsure, whatever phrase they might use. But as we talk it becomes really clear they already know what they want to do they really do have the answer inside themselves not only that they've known for a while the problem is they just kept talking themselves out of it they start explaining justifying and checking in with everyone else. Now, when I see this pattern, they're not lacking clarity. They were seeking confirmation about the things and the answer they already knew and felt. They just don't quite trust themselves enough now to follow it.
[8:05] And what's even more interesting is that most of the time when this pattern pops up, it didn't come from nowhere. This is not something that just happens in the moment. For a lot of people, clarity has at one time or another led to conflict or it's led to disappointment or to being misunderstood.
[8:34] So, when that has happened, the system or your energetic body has taken that as feedback and it's learned something.
[8:44] And what it's learned is that being certain or trusting yourself could be costly. So hesitation has now snuck in for the reason when you hesitate, it started to feel safer in those circumstances It felt safe not because it was right, but because it was familiar.
[9:12] And understanding that familiarity, that's important to hear and understand, So, in these situations, or if this is sounding familiar, remember, nothing's gone wrong here. Your system and your energetic body were doing exactly what it knew to do and how to do it for a big primary reason. To keep you safe. To make you feel safe in that situation. Your system and your energetic body has adapted. And over time that adaption starts to have a cost now it's no different to like the way you know we discovered this in the previous episode and the tricky thing is with cost is it's not always obvious it's like the difference of noticing you know when two dollars is being withdrawn from your bank account versus $20,000. We know which one we pay more attention to.
[10:21] And when this cost starts to happen, it doesn't feel like your whole life is falling apart. It just has this feeling like you're constantly a little off-center. You're not 100% in alignment with yourself. It can come across like you're always adjusting yourself. You might find yourself you're checking and you're recalibrating, always needing to look outward, sense and adjust accordingly. When this happens and when it starts to occur and when this adaption starts to like really take hold. It's subtle, but it's tiring.
[11:13] And it's like there's a background process running all day, trying to keep everyone comfortable while also trying to keep yourself safe. And that is when people start to feel tired or that fogginess in your mind doesn't lift. And there's this sense or feeling of being disconnected from themselves without even really knowing why. That's the leak. That's the energetic leak right there.
[11:51] The cost here can look like a constant mental back and forth, feeling tired after conversations that should have really been simple you find doubting yourself even when things turn out fine and over time you stop trusting that first instinct that first yes or that first no and before you know it you're checking in with everyone else.
[12:28] Before you check in with yourself. Have you ever applied for a new job or role and despite having already applied for it, you find yourself going around and asking friends and family about whether you should take it or not? That's not reassurance. That's your system trying to keep you safe.
[12:52] And here's the thing about boundaries and when they blur. They don't start with saying no Boundaries start with listening, Listening to that first response in your body Before the mind gets involved.
[13:14] Now it may sound a little easier said than done And there's been a few people who have said that to me over the years but I can assure you the response does happen. I have noticed it. I do see it. It is there and it does happen. So next time a decision comes up, see if you can slow it down even if it's just a little. Just enough So you don't have to respond Straight away So you can take the moment To pause To feel And, to notice. In that moment, does your body expand or contract? When you get the answer to those questions, that's information and very valuable feedback for you.
[14:20] Sometimes when we are trying to relearn and come back to ourselves in this way, sometimes the first thing you notice isn't clarity. It's just the realization that you have been overriding yourself. And I can tell you right now, I put my hand up for that one. And once you have that realization, and that is not just awareness alone, you are already having a shift a powerful one and this is usually where people start to get curious because i know i did because once you notice you've been overriding yourself the next question that naturally comes up is okay so what does it actually look like to honor myself here.
[15:21] And this is where boundaries come in. Not as rules, not as walls. They come in to serve as clarity. They do not require justification. They require self-belief. That's a huge difference. And I'll say it again. They don't require justification. They require self-belief. And so, if this pattern shows up for you, it doesn't mean that you're bad at boundaries. It usually means you have been prioritizing harmony over honesty. So, this week, I ask and encourage you just to notice where you pause.
[16:26] And when you are looking at it and you're observing yourself, don't judge it.
[16:30] Don't try to fix it, solve it, or overcorrect. Nope, don't do any of that. It is just to pause so you can listen. Because when you start backing yourself again, your world begins to get a little quieter.
[16:52] Now in the next episode we'll talk about responsibility especially the kind that was never yours to carry but this for the moment this is part two of a short series on energetic leaks and coming back to yourself and of course if you would like to keep exploring this You can also take the short quiz at www.theinspirationalsoul.com forward slash energy leaks and it can help you see which energetic leak is most active for you right now. Just so you know, there is no pressure when you go there. It is just helping you to become more aware and start listening to yourself even more. And as you do, and as you take this beautiful journey of starting to come back to yourself, please remember, be honest with yourself and be kind to yourself. Thanks for listening.
