[0:00] Have you been noticing that you're feeling tired no matter how much you sleep?
[0:06] That mental fog just won't quite lift, or that sense of being pulled in so many different directions, and quietly feeling drained? If any of that sounds familiar, this episode might be worth a listen. This is part one of a short mini-series looking at energetic leaks, the subtle ways your energy can leave you without you even realising. Hey and welcome to the Inspirational Soul podcast. It's really nice to have you here. And as we spend this time together, I would like to help you settle in by noticing a couple of things.
[0:57] Today isn't about fixing or solving anything. Think this is going to be more about slowing down and getting a little more honest with ourselves.
[1:14] So let's take a breath and start right there it's not going to be about becoming a better version of you and i can promise you it's definitely not about doing more it's going to be more like slowing things down just enough to notice what's already happening. This episode is the first part of a short mini-series where we're looking at what I call energetic leaks. The places where your energy is quietly leaving you. And it's in ways you may not notice at first, It just happens, and it happens slow and steadily. And if you're listening to this thinking, oh, God, you know, is this going to be heavy? What's Pete going to take us through? No. Just relax. It's actually meant to feel relieving. This is about taking some of that pressure off. So, hopefully, your body has just taken a breath.
[2:34] Now, you might be listening to this at the start of the new year. And obviously, when new year, new energy comes in, and there's always a lot of that talk, you know, talks about the fresh starts, leaving the old year behind, leaving an older version of you behind. We're looking at trying to create big shifts or, you know, really, you know, shape up and make a better future and version of ourselves.
[3:02] I love those conversations and there's whole different ones and you know especially when i'm time of the recording there's a lot of that happening as well but here's the thing i've also noticed something really interesting over the years what happens is we start off with this beautiful energy we get really focused motivated but motivation dips and fades your good intentions and best intentions start strong but they lose meaning and momentum even the excitement can get us started but soon it just kind of slips away but here's the thing and i want you to remember this, energy never lies. If something in your life is costing you more than it's giving back, your body already knows that. And it knows usually long before your mind catches up. So, if you've been feeling a bit drained, overtired, foggy, or what I like to call having or experiencing the energetic hangover, this episode isn't asking you to push through that.
[4:27] It's asking you to listen to it. This episode is an introduction and it'll be an introduction for a lot of people. We're not going to be doing any deep diving yet. We are just looking and getting a lay of the land here. So, again, just take a breath, relax into this. Think of it like shining a light into a room you have been moving through on autopilot.
[4:59] And today, the room we are looking at is the over-giver pattern or the over-giver leak. When i talk about the overgiver leak i'm not talking about kindness and i need to be clear i'm definitely not saying generosity and being kind and doing those things is a bad thing.
[5:29] What i am talking about is it's more about when giving stops being a choice and starts becoming automatic.
[5:42] Now, you may be going, right, I think I'm understanding this, but hey, I'll give you a few examples here. It often looks like stepping in early before anyone asks. You might find yourself anticipating what people might need so no one feels uncomfortable. You can be finding yourself filling emotional or practical gaps because you can see them before they happen. But another one is being available by default not because you decided to be, So, you know, in these examples, it can be as simple as, you know, like being the one who smooths things over in a group chat. You know, that whole example of when, you know, some friends and you're almost like you between them, you can see it, you know, or you're making sure everyone is okay before you even check in with yourself. Or being the person people automatically turn to because you've always said yes before. Now, none of those examples and situations are wrong. How we are turning up and showing up is not wrong. But over time, it can and it will start to cost you.
[7:11] So generosity, kindness, all of these things, they are not the problem automatic generosity is let me explain because i have lived this pattern myself there was a period in my life where i was constantly available not because anyone demanded it and not because like people were taking from me, but it was because I could just naturally feel when people were struggling. And that's just part of like who I am. You know, I could sense when emotions were high, when things were getting heavy and arduous for people, when the stresses were showing up. I could see when someone needed that extra support. And because I could feel it and sense it, what did I do? I stepped in.
[8:16] I was the one people called when things got messy I was the one who held space for others So they didn't fall apart, Now, on the surface, it looked generous. You know, some might have said, oh, that's very caring. And I've even actually had people say, wow, like that's real genuine leadership. You're leading by example. But underneath all of that, what I had noticed is I was not checking in with myself. I wasn't asking like do i actually have the capacity for this right now i didn't i didn't stop i didn't check in i didn't ask i was just giving now it's interesting it showed up in relatively ordinary ways i noticed that i was staying longer after events than i needed to, I would give more time than was agreed. I would allow more access to my calendar and I would obviously give more energy. Not because anyone asked. No one asked me to do those things and not because anyone expected it. I did this for the one simple reason.
[9:44] Because that was me. And somewhere along the way, being available became how I felt valued, how I felt needed. It became how I felt safe in my surroundings and my connections. So that drained, over-tired feeling didn't come from people taking too much from me or expecting too much from me. It came from me over-extending myself without noticing. This is how the over-giver leak forms.
[10:33] Now, for a lot of people, giving once can give a feeling of created safety. If you keep giving, it can make you start to feel valued, needed, having this feeling and, you know, desire and like embodied aspect of I matter to people.
[10:59] And yes it also plays an important part because as you do these things it also keeps things stable in your life and here's the here's the real truth it worked yeah doing those things jumping in being the smoother helping people overgiving it has worked it kept things stable you do feel valued, you do feel safe. But the patterns that once worked can become outdated.
[11:32] You can liken it to when you hold on to your mobile or cell phone long enough, well, to the point where, you know, the actual companies that made your phone no longer provide updates for it so now that it's not updating on a constant basis it slows down and the battery gets drained quicker and in this energetic sense what we're talking about here today when they do become outdated your body lets you know.
[12:10] Energy never lies. Now, there's another important part here. Energy never lies and it never shames. If you're listening and you're going, wow, this is sounding familiar, please note, this is not a judgment. This is just very valuable insights and information for yourself. Your body is letting you know what it's been costing you. The cost of overgiving doesn't usually show up all at once. It's very quiet. It can look like being tired even after rest. That foggy feeling in your mind that never seems to shift or lift. It can show up as low-level resentment towards a situation of people you don't really want to admit. You might have a loss of clarity around what you actually want.
[13:17] And sometimes you can have the feeling of being invisible while still being the one everyone relies on you will find that you're the organizer you're the fixer you're the manager you are the one who keeps everything moving and on schedule but when you finally stop you'll find that there's not much feedback or checking back in with you those situations and people that you're involved with once you stop you'll find that it gets very quiet, that quiet moment then leads you to think well if i didn't do this would anyone even notice So most people don't realize this and these situations are the cost of overgiving. Now, what tends to happen and what I've noticed is they just think something's wrong with them. And now I want you to hear something really important.
[14:32] There isn't. There is nothing wrong with you.
[14:36] If you're sitting here and you're listening to this going, wow, oh my God, this is me.
[14:41] There is nothing wrong with you. and here's the part that often gets missed for anyone who is falling into this and sensing that i'm talking to you this is the part that really does get missed giving isn't meant to be one way and here's a big big thing giving and receiving are not opposites they're part of the same loop they are inexplicably connected together and so healthy giving only works when there's space to receive as well now this doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to receive from the same people that you are giving to and this doesn't mean you are going to be looking to receive in equal measure either but somewhere in your life you have to be open to receiving and what's important is receiving isn't about taking what's important here is when you start to receive receiving is what allows your system to refill so when it refills you.
[16:08] When you start to give again, it doesn't become depletion. The simple way of looking at your own battery or your fuel tank in your car, you have to give and you have to receive, otherwise it will completely delete out. So that's when an energetic leak is really occurring. And this is what an energetic leak really is energy going out without enough energy coming back in now as we look at this this isn't about stopping who you are or changing who you are All this is about and recognizing is, hey, check in with yourself before you give. So check in with yourself the next time you are about to say yes. Just pause, even for a breath, just take a moment before you say yes.
[17:17] Now, some of you might need a little bit of extra hand with it. that's okay. So if you really want to help make this adjustment, you can place your hand on your chest or you can open and close your hand gently beside you. The idea is just feel yourself for a moment. And in that moment, while you're feeling yourself hand on chest or opening, closing your hand in your fist, you can gently ask yourself.
[17:49] Am I giving from truth or from habit? Now, you don't need to answer that, but you just need to notice and become aware of what is happening. When you do notice this, it does not mean that, hey, you don't need to give less. You just need to give from alignment. You need to give from what is being true to you and if you start noticing this pattern where you're like i'm not really giving from alignment that's not failure that is not saying anything's wrong it is now just awareness. This is your body talking.
[18:44] This is your energetic system finally being heard.
[18:51] And before we finish, I just want to say this. If anything in this episode has resonated and you're curious about how this might be showing up in your life specifically for you, I've actually created a real simple quiz that helps you to identify your main energetic leak right now.
[19:14] It's not about labels. It's not about like saying, hey, this is what's wrong. It's just a tool and a way to help you notice where your energy might be quietly draining and what needs just that little bit more attention. So you can find this quiz at www.theinspirationalsoul.com forward slash energy leaks. There's no pressure to do anything with it it is just a tool to assist in your awareness and helping you to start listening to your energy and energetic body again now in the next episode we'll be talking about what happens when boundaries blur when you start second guessing what you already know and you don't quite trust your own yes or no anymore it's like when your self-trust just stops showing up for work so this is part one of the short series on energetic leaks, and coming back to yourself. And remember to be kind and honest with yourself as you do. Thanks for listening.
