[0:00] Have you ever noticed that you can spend time around people and places and before
[0:08] long you start talking like them? You'll notice that you're laughing at the same things or you start thinking the same way. You can even mirror their behavior. You can start even believing things you've never questioned before. And so you know what, in this episode, we are going to explore reading the rooms. So time to grab your cuppa, get comfy, and let's get into it. So welcome back. It's nice to be back in the studio after having some flying time in and around the place. I've spent a little bit of time in the Northern Territory. For those people, our Springs and Darwin, which has been absolutely beautiful. And I was blessed with some absolutely gorgeous weather out there, which is amazing. And it's great because going out there and having these experiences and reconnecting with people from different places always inspires me. And again, this is where it's kind of come from about today. And today, if you're listening, wherever you're listening from, just want to let you know, You might very well start hearing me have a little bit of a longer pause like this one.
[1:29] You might hear that noise and you might hear me go, ah, because I am literally having a cuppa with you on this episode today. So, it's going to happen. So, let's get comfy. And, oh, yeah, that's good. And let's enjoy this. So, the whole thing is that through all of this is I want everyone to understand one basic premise is that we're built to belong. And this is something that I have had a long time to reflect on, but it's really interesting when you start breaking it down. Like, this is when, you know, you start suddenly seeing and you start realizing, you know, you're saying the same phrases as people used to be. You know, for example, you know, one person in the office might have done, you know, oh, it's Happy Friday.
[2:26] Or I specifically remember working with someone and every time I would ask a question, the answer was never yes. Yes, it was always 100%, 100%, 100%. I remember hearing it so much that it was like, what is going on here? Have we lost the word yes? And then because you hear that so much, like you're hearing everyone say it. I don't think I really heard 100% before that moment. And then all of a sudden, I'm like, everyone's starting to use 100%. You start to feel a little bit behind the times. Sometimes maybe you're feeling like the new generation is coming through. But then you also find that you catch yourself saying all of a sudden and you kind of go, oh, crap. That's like that was really weird like a week or two ago. And then all of a sudden, oh, I'm saying 100% to answer people's questions with a yes. That's quite interesting.
[3:29] And then, you know, there's other things like you might remember when one person started CrossFit when that was out, you know, and then six months later, everyone's got their own protein powder and they're finding the best ways to do this. I think at the moment, the big talk is overdosing on creatine and all of these things. And like, you know, I know that I was guilty of owning protein powder there for a while. I was definitely not guilty of doing the CrossFit. I just looked at that and got, nope, that ain't me, pure and simple. But yeah, these things happen. I've even seen it like even around, you know, a bit closer to my world and realm, is, you know, a new crystal type comes out and then someone says it's the new best thing, you know, that the cactus quartz is stronger than the smoky quartz or the amethyst. And before you know it, you're out there and you're hunting it down and to add to your collection, even though you really don't 100% know that it is stronger because everyone's going to be different. So, it's all these little bits and pieces that you start to see and it starts to happen. And I've seen it when all of a sudden, you know, oh, hang on, there's a new way to develop this ability. I've got to go and do this.
[4:49] And it kind of like with all these aspects, like, forgive me for being blunt, but truly, sometimes I think humans are basically emotional sheep with inbuilt Wi-Fi. And we pick up off each other's signals and we just follow along. Those who have hung out with me enough know that in situations where i recognize and i feel like human livestock, those who hang with i actually do make either the sheep noises or i moo like a cow just to reference the moment because i'm so aware of it i'm like this is just so not great But that's just me. But the whole point is you can see the rooms that we are reading on this episode today are about the real life ones rather than the spiritual energy ones. Because here's a really important fact I want you to remember.
[5:54] The real-life rooms that you are in, and if you are not reading them right, they are going to have a far bigger impact on you than the energetic or spirit ones. I've seen a lot of time we want to put emphasis on that, but it's the real-life ones that are going to really guide us or influence us. So, this is where we're leading with this. And we undoubtedly read the rooms we're in and the environment. It's natural. It's innate. And we conform because belonging once meant survival. And we still strive for this in some shape or form. And the basic reason is because we're human. So, just take the moment and think about the rooms that you are in right now, and because this might help you as we progress through this episode.
[7:00] Excuse me while I take a nice sip of the warm coffee. So the real reason why I'm looking at this is because, and I wanted to sit down and have a chat with you. I mean, I don't even really see this as an episode. I actually just see this as a chat with you guys. And because there's something that I've always noticed, and because obviously, I'm a teacher by trade or coming from teaching, But also now taking a lot of that and facilitating a lot of rooms, there's an important thing on both sides, whether you're the facilitator or teacher or whether you're the student or the learner, it doesn't matter. But here's a fact. The room is always teaching you. Remember that. The room is always teaching you even when nobody is speaking. And it's so, so true. Very basic examples to prove my point negative room everyone complains eventually you might find yourself complaining this literally i saw this in action this morning.
[8:09] I went to my local bakery uh that's where i usually pick up my cup of coffee, i've already finished that one that's why i had to make another one but it was busier friday is usually busy down there but there was a bit of a line, obviously, getting in. It wasn't too bad. I was only about the fourth person deep. I could see that it was a little bit slower than usual, but I'm okay with that. It is what it is. I respect the ladies that do the job because it's a wonderful, but they're good food and they do their best with what they've got. I had a sneaking suspicion, obviously, being a frequent customer, I was like, they might be a little bit understaffed today. So I thought, that's what kind of happens. You just have to appreciate that. People get sick, people can't come in. It happens. That's life.
[8:58] And then what was interesting is by the time I had ordered and I spoke to one of the lovely ladies there, which, you know, I know them on a first name basis and enough. And anyway, so I placed my order and when I spoke to her, she was making my coffee. She was like, no, we're down to three people today and a Friday of all days and they usually have four. You can understand that. But then I turned around and I looked and I'm going, oh, okay, they're busy. That line is way out the door. It was now about 12 people deep and when you're wanting coffee and they're making fresh sandwiches they're making fresh toasties they're making fresh croissants they're making fresh coffee so it's all fresh but kind of like in a hurry, and so that adds to the wait time for a lot of people anyway so as i literally collected my coffees and my toasting i was walking out just as i walked out I was like, wow, I just dodged a bullet because all of a sudden, just as I was walking out, one lady said to another lady, are you right there? Can you not see the line? Can you not see everyone's waiting and you take it upon yourself to jump the line? And it's interesting, the other lady's like, she goes, well, I have the correct money. All I want is a loaf of bread and I've left the money on the counter. How is that a problem? Yeah.
[10:18] Now, in general terms, you'd probably go, well, okay, like she just wants to get in and out. I can understand that. But then the guy behind the lady who made the original complaint then looked at the lady and said, well, what would it be like if we all just had the correct change and we all dumped our change on the counter and walked out?
[10:42] How would that work out? And of course, she didn't have any particular, you know, comeback to that. But it was a massive realization. But all of a sudden, you start to go, hang on. Everyone was kind of patient. Then someone's just literally kind of said, I've had enough of this and wants to not wait like everyone else. One person complains. She fires back. Another person complains. Then I could hear this walking out. Other people going, oh, my God, what would you do? All of a sudden, there's complain, complain, complain. It was like dominoes, literal dominoes down the line, watching that whole thing unfold. I was just going, I'm grateful I'm not in this line right now. But even there in that space, I've been victim to people wanting to jump in on purpose. It's amazing what people do, but you can start to see that. That's the room. Like we're just literally waiting for something. And people were patient. Of course, people were a little bit frustrated, but the majority of the line were understanding. They were going, cool. This is it. This is the line. We know they're worth the wait. So, you wait. And then, of course, that happens. And then that little bit of frustration gets blown out and away we go. It was like negative, negative, negative, negative. I was like, then my mind was, I feel sorry for the ladies serving because as soon as those frustrations start to come loose, they take it out on the people who are serving.
[12:08] But, of course, then you've got the other side of that coin. You've got the positive room. You know, in a positive room, you know, everyone starts looking for opportunities. You start looking for possibilities. And when you start seeing other people do that, eventually you do too. So, it's interesting how that happens. And this was a beautiful thing because, over the weekend in Darwin, I literally watched a beautiful small group of ladies walk into a room for an entire weekend with me as strangers. And it's one of those things, when I put these workshops together, I know what it's like. People are not entirely sure what they're coming for or what they're necessarily going to get out of it. and makes it really hard. I can tell you right now, I've done a lot of business training as well. It's a conundrum. How do you really show what people are generally going to get out of this when everyone's an individual? And that's what I mean. So, these ladies walked in as complete strangers. And by the end of the weekend, so literally in the space of less than 48 hours, they weren't the same ladies that they were when they walked in.
[13:32] And they had a totally different connection between each other. Now, and that's not because I changed them. Like, I'm just there. I facilitate and I guide. I'm not changing people. But it's because of the room and because of each other they changed. And that's the point. That's the biggest point I really want to bring up here. It's, you know, we do it together. It takes a collective to help make the change possible. And so, when you're looking at this, and I just want to pause here, and after this I'm going to take another sip of my coffee, but I want you just to take a moment and I want you to ask yourself, who's teaching you every day without realizing it?
[14:30] Who are you slowly becoming because of your environment let that sit, because these are the bigger questions these are the questions that help us to read the rooms of our life. And I see it more and more that people are struggling to see or know how to read those rooms. And it brings me to another thing that I've witnessed and noticed with a lot of people that I've worked with, and this one in particular, it was very important. I thought, wow, I want to share this story because I feel like it could help a lot of you guys, a lot of my listeners and followers. And so, you've got to remember that sometimes growth means outgrowing.
[15:37] And we, it's a weird thing to say, but once you sit with it, you start to understand it. And I believe anyone who just heard that statement, you may have automatically, had an immediate body response. You would have an innate feeling in your body listening to that statement. And if you did, then you need to listen to that because that's helping you to read the room. And one of the big points around this was it was actually talking about grief and the beautiful role that grief groups can play in your grief journey.
[16:19] And it's a powerful one because obviously a lot of the work that i do and you know you might listen because just helping and grief's a big part of the journey it's a journey, we are all going to experience in our life at some point it's just we're not going to avoid it and it was just interesting because, it was talking about this instance where a client of mine you know through the loss of a child which you know is, a loss is hard but children and losing your child is somewhat almost incomprehensible. I know for a fact that every time I do start connecting with a child of any age in my work, my own mind cannot help but start to overlay what would that mean if that was me losing, you know, my son or daughter. And I can tell you right now.
[17:18] The emotional floodgates open and, It's a beautiful thing, a little side tangent by here, but it's a beautiful thing because that also helps me to be more emotionally sympathetic, empathetic. It also helps me a bit more compassionate because it helps me to feel and get a slightly deeper understanding of the situation. So I use those emotions a little bit to assist me in those. But in this particular case, it was a lady lost her child and she had found a grief group. And the beautiful part was the grief group was very helpful. But then after a period of time and, you know, I think it was like something like two or three years, don't quote me.
[18:06] But then something changed for her. And it was interesting. she couldn't quite put her finger on it, was something that she couldn't quite understand and let alone really talk about. So, there was this kind of like gray area around what's going on. Obviously, we're still feeling loss for our child, but then all of a sudden, you know, this grief group that has completely supported her all of a sudden is not feeling the same. Now, it's really interesting. It's not because the grief group was doing anything, wrong or it changed or it was nothing like that. If anything, it was actually the opposite. The grief group had done its work. It had, and the people there had served its purpose. There was healing that had occurred. And there was also a beautiful ability to identify, connect, and have a sense of belonging with that group. But then there just comes a moment in time and then all of a sudden you don't have those things. All of a sudden there's something inside of you where you go, I don't feel like this is for me anymore. And when we have those feelings, they're actually a beautiful feeling, but.
[19:31] They can often be also the most difficult ones because one of the hardest parts of growth is realizing the room that once, healed you or the room that once supported you or the room that helps you get to this point, has reached its limit where it's no longer serving its purpose for you. If you remain there, it's not a bad thing, but you can't or there will be a very limited amount of growth that you can experience, if at any at all. Now, again, I can't stress enough that that doesn't mean that you're in the wrong room, but the real truth of it is it means you've changed, that you have grown, and that, that is worth acknowledging. And that's the important part. But when that happens, bear with me.
[20:43] When that happens, when you have that moment, you have that realization, and you realize, hey, I've healed, I'm growing, I'm doing this, and it's hard, like this, one space, this one room, this one group, this one environment that has really assisted you so much on your journey. Now realising that it's no longer fitting. Then comes the aspects of guilt. Now, this is huge. This happens a lot. I know that I've also put myself in this situation, not necessarily in grief, but in different groups. But people stay because leaving that room, leaving that group, leaving the people, leaving the situation, sometimes feels like betrayal. It's like betrayal to them, like somehow you're doing an injustice or whatever, but sometimes it can really make us question. But here's the other side of that. But what happens if staying is the actual problem? Because what if staying in that group and environment actually becomes the betrayal of yourself?
[22:12] That's a big one. And just to kind of like bring in the point and obviously, just lighten the mood here a little bit because like I said, I want a conversation. But the kind of way I like in this is, you know, you think about it. Most of us learn how to swim. And when we learn to swim, we obviously, you know, we get help, we get lessons. and more often than not, a lot of us end up with floaties or some kind of floating device to help us swim when we're young. But imagine now as a full-grown adult, you know how to swim, but every time you're going to a pool party or a barbecue that someone invites you over, as a full-grown adult, even though you know how to swim, you're still making sure that you're putting your floaties on before you hop in the pool.
[23:01] That's the kind of feeling what will happen And if you kind of keep staying, whereas because you're using and you can't fully learn, adapt, or grow to what's needed for you because now you're still relying on external influences that have, in fact, played their role, done their job for you, and it got you to where you need to be. That's a big thing. So now understanding that, here's the key thing I want to remember. You've got to be reading these rooms. And when you're reading the rooms that you're in, so taking that time to reflect right now, choose your rooms carefully. Now, this is where it kind of happens because this is what I love so much and.
[23:55] This is what I kind of work with and rely on, for lack of a better word. But with the work that I do, I'm not here and I don't sell my work.
[24:10] It's not something I feel like I can, don't get me wrong. But what I'm trying to say is that when I offer the work that I do, it calls to people. It's like when you read it, you'll just know. It's something inside of you. And this is the reason. And it's not just about working with me, but this is what happened in Darwin. This is what was happening with this group of ladies. I had a vision. Cool, let's do this. I'll take this little mini retreat and I'll do it interstate for the first time. Beautiful. I've got four lovely ladies. Would I have liked more? Of course. But I'm there. My intention was to serve. My intention was to help. My intention was to help them grow, understand and embody. That's all it was. And so, this is where I reflect on it. The beautiful thing is those ladies weren't, like looking for something in particular. And anybody who steps into the rooms that I work in, they're doing one thing, and this is what I want you to do, not just my rooms, but in your life. This is important, and this is how I govern a lot of my stuff. Choose rooms that call something higher out of you.
[25:26] Choose the things that push that comfort zone, that push you further. You're not going to know 100% what's on the other side of that. No one can guarantee you that. And if you're in a room more than one person, I can tell you right now, every person is going to have a different outcome. It doesn't matter what you do.
[25:51] If it's got anything to do on a personal level, every outcome, every transformation, every point of growth is going to be different. And that's why when you're leaning to these things and you're looking and you're trying to read the room, you could be in this situation right now where you're going, I'm looking for something, I'm not sure what. Choose the room that is calling something higher out of you. Choose the room that calls from here inside in the heart and body space not the one that's trying to calculate going sure okay if i do this i'll get that back and all this will help me there, because if it was just as simple as doing that we'd all be doing it and we'd all be very very well off and become it, but where the real growth is it happens in here not up in the head so this is why. It's like be very careful of reading the rooms that you're in and be mindful of the rooms that you're choosing. Don't choose the rooms that simply confirm who you've always been.
[26:58] Please, whatever you do, don't do that. Because that's what I call the goldfish syndrome, which, you know, it does happen because it's a beautiful thing, like certain fish species, you know, just be using the goldfish as an example, is that if you put them in the glass jar, they know automatically that they can only grow to a certain size because if they grow past that certain size, They will automatically outgrow their environment and put themselves at risk of, injuring or possibly killing themselves because now they're too big and they're taking too much oxygen out of the water in a small bowl. But if they keep themselves small according to their environment, they're going to be more long lasting. And so that's what i mean by don't choose rooms that simply confirm who you've always been, if you're doing that you're the goldfish in the glass bowl, choose the rooms that are calling something higher out of you and that means jumping out of the glass bowl and possibly jumping into a river yes it's going to be scary as hell at times and yes you're not going to be sure how it happens. But you will learn, you'll adapt, and guess what? You'll allow yourself to get bigger. And that's the whole point. So, look around your life.
[28:27] Look at the conversations, the friendships. Hey, look at the podcasts, the books. Look at your workplace. All of these things are shaping you. Every single one of them.
[28:44] And so, the question isn't like, are you being influenced? Yeah, we've got all these influences. You're not being influenced. You already are, right? But the question you should really be asking yourself is, by who? Who are you allowing to be in your mind? Who are you allowing to be filtering and putting into your mind? Right now, like your mind is a garden and the question is, what are you planting? What are you nurturing and enriching the soil with and who's helping you do that.
[29:21] Big questions and here's the other bit and piece too, you don't always need new information the amount of times i see people think they need to learn more do more no sometimes all you need all you need is a different room, because different rooms create different versions of you. So, thanks for joining me. Thanks for letting me have a cuppa with you. And I cannot wait to see what your thoughts, where you might be after this episode. And of course, if you are looking for a different room, it could be there's many different types of rooms And if you're looking to work or come into a different room with me, feel free to go and have a look at my website, theinspirationalsoul.com. And you can look under the little button called Work With Me. And in there, you might very well find the right room that's waiting for you. Thanks for listening, and I'll catch you next time.
